I wondered how I could ever write about sci fi again in light of what happened on September 11th. It seems too light, too trivial for how I’m feeling right now. However, I’m an American, and I always assumed it was my birthright to feel light and trivial.

But if I’m to be completely honest with you, my lightness started to fade a few months before this tragedy. In my last column, I wrote about my trip to Greece and how it opened my eyes to the pain and terror suffered in many parts of the world, pain and suffering many Americans were oblivious to in our safe protected bubble called America. Because after all, nothing bad could happen here.

When I look back to the beginning of summer and consider what we were all preoccupied with
in the sci fi community, in the world, I’m simply amazed. Everyone was gossiping about a Congressman’s affair, and the only seismic disturbance in the sci fi fantasy world was the anger of many fans who were pissed that Xena was killed in the series finale. They wanted a happy, “walking into the sunset" finale. They felt they deserved it.

After seeing many centuries of war devastation in Greece, I was saddened by the caustic response of fans who felt “betrayed" by Xena’s death. Sure, the show could’ve been better executed. What else is new? But the level of vitriol was out of control IMHO, and the
threatening words towards the producers were uncalled for.

I felt everyone’s priorities were so screwed up that I wrote a column I never published here challenging people’s values and beliefs. The column was “too heavy" I feared. I certainly had no success offering it to some fan sites that were staunch in their “collective betrayal" at the horrible atrocity of the death of a fictional hero.

Mind you, I hate it when storybook heroes die as much as the next person, but there’s more to value in life than “happily ever afters." My unpublished column was called “Praise Hestia for No Happily Ever Afters." I called out for some collective awareness, realness. Little did I realize it would happen for an entire nation on one infamous day in September. Here are some thoughts from that column…

Why do so many Americans fantasize about blowing someone away for nothing more than
cutting in front of them on the freeway? Sure it’s rude behavior on the other driver’s part, but does it deserve your fantasy of unloading an Uzi on them? Where does this fantasy come from? Happily ever after… that American belief that nothing bad, rude or untoward should happen to any of us… that life should be one perfect cruise. Well, guess what kids? We’re not six anymore. We don’t need the fantasies that parents peddle to small children with the sole purpose of encouraging them to feel safe to venture beyond their playgrounds.

I recently visited Greece. I met a people whose ancestors endured invasions by the Persians and the Turks for the last 20 centuries and saw their beloved Acropolis go up in smoke. I met a people who abandoned “happily ever after" a long time ago and are more joyful, real and able to connect in a way Americans can only dream of. They respond to a freeway cut off with, “I hope they’re okay. They must’ve had a family emergency or a problem at work."

Why do we need the myth when it’s far more satisfying to live life on its own terms? When you saw Gabrielle’s peaceful smile at the end, after Xena’s death, you saw the smile of a hero… of a woman living life on its terms. Being a true hero is enduring with grace whatever unexpected tragedies and glories life may hand you. The creators of Xena gave us a healthy example of how to cope in a society that doles out happy pills for no other reason than lining its pocket books.

Why is our society afraid of pain? Why does it medicate us into oblivion at the first sign of discomfort? Why doesn’t it allow us to grieve in a healthy manner? Why does it peddle myths most of us will never live up to? Most of us will never experience having it all at once: the perfect job, the perfect relationship, the perfect car, the perfect house, perfect health, the perfect “ever after." Why do I expect the show’s producers to lie to me?

One of the most beautiful moments of my life came when my best friend quietly comforted me
over some perceived “shortcoming" in my life. She told me I was never promised a perfect life. I felt relieved that someone finally had the courage to tell me the truth.

Xena and Gabrielle truly lived “one day at a time." As Gabrielle told Xena once, “A long time ago I accepted the consequences of our life together. That it could one day come to this." The real question is, “Why can’t we?"

Ever since I met that innocent girl from “Sins of the Past," a disquieting thought rested in my unconscious. It’s a thought I squelched with every episode as I witnessed Xena and Gabrielle beat impossible odds. The thought? “What will happen to that sweet innocent girl when she has to face the inevitable (Xena’s death)?" However, as I watched them defeat enemy after enemy, I was lulled into a false sense of security. And as I watched the producers stumble with continuity problems, I became certain they wouldn’t have the courage or foresight to go there.

The power of Xena and Gabrielle was their total acceptance of each other and their reality. They didn’t try and make each other over into their perfect “happily ever after" images. If we could all quietly accept the imperfect in each other, our lives could be totally different.

But we were all preoccupied with whatever we were preoccupied with before September 11th,
as the world suffered and watched us in incredulity. Now, we are the incredulous ones, whose heads feel submerged in sand, walking around in a daze going, “Why? Why do they hate us?"

Friends in realness and compassion reach out to us such as the women of RAWA, the feminist resistance inside the Taliban who fight the enemy, everyday. They may have some answers for us. Visit the RAWA web site at www.rawa.org.

Also, visit alt.tv.xena where discussions have far more substance these days including
these sober words from a poster named Aethelrede: