Newsguy - In the Beginning
NewsGuy began as
the dream of George and
Adolph Noose. In 1942, they launched an airmail service, connecting exotic destinations from Secaucus to East
Rutherford New Jersey. Unfortunately the war
had left them
without fuel, oil or even an operational airport. Adolph and George,
pioneers that they were, remained undaunted by these minor setbacks.
the first three years of operation, the plane was hangered near the future
site of Giant Stadium. Each morning George would load the mail into the
plane and roll it out onto Route 3 where, joined by Adolph, the duo would push
the bright red Cessna down
the highway and through their...well, sort of appointed rounds. It was hard work, difficult work, yes - perhaps even
foolish work, but Adolph and George Noose were living their dream.
the route people would throw rocks, canned goods and sometimes plump
cabbages. George, thinking they had become local celebrities, took to
wearing a glitter covered Spandex jump suit, an excessively wide
and shaved his head....then he shaved Adolph's head, but that's another
story. The persistent application of a local New Jersey dialect eventually
prevailed and formed the service's name; the crowd jeers of "Doze crazy Nooze guys"
was reported by a tin eared reporter as "Doze crazy News guys"
and "NewsGuy" became the name of the service. Hey,
could of happened.
The Rocket Years
1992 the effects of World War II
were beginning to fade. Fuel was generally available and a significant
number of vets had already returned home. While Adolph and George could
now actually fly in the Cessna, the demand for airmail delivery between adjacent towns
had begun to soften. They knew they needed a "hook" to draw new
public attention and they felt speed could be the answer.
strapped a rocket to George's butt and shot him into the night sky high above
Passaic. Unfortunately, George and/or the rocket encountered United
Airlines Flight 706 at 35,000 feet, and George was pulled along until the
flight terminated, rather abruptly, on the ground in a small town just
outside of Montreal. Several weeks later, he was returned to the U.S. and
Adolph, under NAFTA guidelines, speaking French, and devoid of all import
into a severe depression, though certainly not as bad as the whopper he
went through between 1929-1939. George remembered the depression had been so bad it
seemed to effect everyone around them. George attempted to raise Adolph's
spirits by feigning mail deliveries, but it was getting increasingly
difficult to find places to hide the Cessna for 8 hours while he was on
his make belief rounds, especially since they were now living in an
apartment above a downtown "Jack In The Box" family value restaurant.
Then one day they heard a loud crash, a couple of screams and what sounded
like tin foil rubbing over false teeth. They ran downstairs to investigate.
lying in the street in a tangled mess of Schwinn, newspapers and squashed
Ho-Ho's was Bob, a local newspaper boy. Each day, Bob
delivered papers in the morning, collected in the afternoon, then spent
the proceeds at the Jack In The Box beneath Adolph and George's apartment.
In fact, it was Bob's Ho-Ho induced expansive persona
that led to the Schwinn's frame fracture, and subsequent collapse to the
pavement. Bob grunting, very unattractively through a mouth full of
chocolate covered cake, begged assistance getting to the drive-thru window. George
and Adolph, who both later testified they thought Bob wanted them to take over
his route, instead ran off with Bob's leftover papers and loose change. On that day
"NewsGuy News Service" was born.
Bob eventually recovered from the fall, the
Ho-Ho's and a rather nasty case of
Jack in the Box induced E. coli. Realized he lost his route and customers
to the Noose Brothers, Bob immediately petitioned bad ass Judge Judy and
won a hefty settlement in the amount of $26.73. Unfortunately, even this
chump change was a fortune to the Noose brothers, so they settled by
offering Bob a career in the news biz. Today Bob, of course,
writes the two time Snuffer Award winning column, "Bob-O-Vision". Bob's
real name is Joe. There are two Joe's at NewsGuy. Weird, huh
? Picture a dream sequence, fade to distortion, then imagine the opening
music to "Twilight Zone"... do,do,do,do...do,do,do,do...
AKA Cindy, joined NewsGuy after first launching a letter writing assault on
the service, followed by a physical assault on the guys of NewsGuy, which
coincidentally was the name of an ill fated calendar. At
one time, Cindy was the Queen of Maine, presiding over the Desert of
Maine, a not well known post which is currently held by the pop singer and
sometime sitcom guest star, Cindy Lauper. Prerequisites for being
Queen of Maine ? Must be named "Cindy" and have a natural affinity for the
use of the word "wicked", as in "Stop the ca, tha-ers
a wicked big moose in the road". We call her "President",
or as she prefers "Your Highness", or "Your Hinny" as we
prefer when she is not within earshot.
Guy It has been suggested, on numerous
occasions, Rich has few outside interests. Not true. Few people
realize that Rich maintains the largest collections of organic and
synthetic water based adhesives in the Bay Area. This life long
passion for all that sticks recently culminated in the made-for-TV
romantic comedy "No, I'm really stuck you", which is
probably a step up from his book, "Phalange, the word and its use
in modern poetry" . In addition to his contribution to NewsGuy tech support, Rich runs the software
download section, writes "Tech Guy" and presides over an
off-line NewsGuy LINUX skunk works. Rich is kept in check with the
assignment of a dual processor Pentium work station, but with only 8
megabytes of RAM, 500 gigabytes of storage, but only a 300 baud modem.
Hey, after that thong deal, he's lucky to be alive.
Guy Mike was once hauled away by paramedics
at a dance club when the patrons jointly, and conclusively, determined
he was having a spazoidal episode. Apparently Mike thought he
was expressing in dance a response to the question, "How rigid
can one human be while still sustaining life". We got the
picture, and Mike won the award. Turn on's: golf, music with no rhythmic
beat, stocks and bonds, pro-republican issues. Turn-offs: anything
without neat creases, early raucous Donnie & Marie music, the
thought of never experiencing an IPO. Mike
writes the Sports Guy column, manages sales and facilitates NewsGuy
$1,000,000 customer giveaway. Never heard of the program ? Better write
Mike. Mike will earn three figures this year; action figures
Barbie, Ken and GI Joe.
manned, and wommaned by Kachun and Teresa. This year they were able to
upgrade from a multiprocessor, rack mounted, gang linked, warm swap,
full featured model III TRS-80s - to an full integration of a
Pascaline 2000 and a Babbage Model 37 with a FPS-164/MAX. Not only can
it provide almost below average computational speed, but it generates
enough heat to make the facilities always toasty warm. Unfortunately,
that applies to both summer and winter. We are on-line almost 24X7, or
as long as Kachun and Teresa can get Bob to continually wet his
fingers and hold both ends of the network cables. The
technical duo will add a slightly used Colossus later in the year, as
long as they can score on some backup vacuum photocells, and matching
decade counters. Just wait till the annual systems budget goes over 2
hope to move into our new facility no later than December 2012. So far
we are only missing sufficient funds, backing and a clear plan for
success to take us there.
the mean time, you can always reach us at our current location next to
the Shell Station, just off the I90 St. Joe exit or, if traffic is
heavy, off I25 at the Hillsboro Mall. Remember, it's the Hillsboro Mall
the home of Pig Lickin' Chicken where the flavor of fat just slaps
your nostrils like a barnyard bonanza.
job is to hang around and say, "thank you". Thank you for
being one of those special people who have hung around with us over
the years, started on Zippo News Service and went on to NewsGuy. Thank
you if you're one of the folks who have just recently joined us. I
hope we can live up to your expectations and keep you here. Thank you
if you've just spent this time reading about us, we hope you'll give
us a try.